


Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

by Trademark_Tragedy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Accidental Death, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Bullying, Character Death, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Forgiveness, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Neck Kissing, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Kissing, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Slurs, Suicide Attempt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trademark_Tragedy/pseuds/Trademark_Tragedy
Summary: Multi-part songfic with modern college au, Gallirei.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Bertolt Hoover/Jean Kirstein, Hitch Dreyse/Annie Leonhart, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Bertolt Hoover, Marco Bott/Bertolt Hoover/Jean Kirstein, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Pieck Finger/Yelena, Reiner Braun/Porco Galliard
Kudos: 16





	Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

**PORCO POV #1**

He walked out of the classroom. He looked around like he wasn’t the bane of my existence. Reiner Braun deserved everything I put him through. It was his fault my family went to shit. Reiner and his stupid body-builder shape, his dumb puppy eyes, the way he starts to tear up when someone mentions the accident. I walked towards him, but I never got to him. Pieck got in my way, and she knew my intentions. She knows what I think and doesn’t approve of my actions. Her sometimes blunt comments no longer sting, but they stop me in my tracks. She is my roommate and someone I could consider a friend. Though, I would never admit that out loud to her. She gives me a deadly look and I sigh.  
“Pieck-” and she cut me off before I could speak further.  
“Pock, not today. Don’t start anything. You need to lay off and give the man a break. You’re not in elementary school anymore, let it go.” I didn’t know how to respond but I flipped her off and turned on my heel, storming off to my next class. She was right, but I was not going to feel bad for Reiner, under any circumstances. To me, his crimes were unforgivable and I was the only person who could carry out the sentence. I played judge, jury, and executioner because I was hurt beyond everyone else. I deserve revenge. He means nothing, nothing, nothing to me except a target, a hobby. At least, that’s what I tell myself.  
In truth, when he was being bullied by another person in the school, Eren Jaeger, I fought for Reiner. I have no clue as to why I was so defensive over someone making him cry. He was nothing to me... right? Eren is definitely classified as a grade-a asshole. Hell, he got extra credit in the subject.  
“Speak of the devil,” I mumbled out loud as he entered the room with Armin and Mikasa on either side. Armin was very smart, methodical, and also cautious. He could never hurt someone because he cried at the smallest things. Mikasa was a stone-cold woman. She did not care for anyone, except Eren and Armin. Everyone knew she loved Eren, but there was no way he could return her feelings or anyones’ if I’m truthful. I paired up with Yelena, a girl from my hometown. She was quiet, but she had an energy that had the tendency to scare and intimidate newbies. I don’t know how Pieck could be so deep in puppy love with a lady that could kill with a stare.  
During the rest of the class, Eren and I sent glares back and forth with each other. Yelena looked very unimpressed with the two of us. However, she said nothing. Eren had a look about him, and I knew he would go after Reiner. A surge of protectiveness rushed through me and when the bell rang, I waited until it was just us.  
“Eren.” I gazed directly into his eyes and held my ground.  
“Porco,” he replied with a smirk. “Why do you protect him so much? Hmm? I get he did some stupid shit, but why would you defend him?” I could not predict his next comment. “Are you fucking gay or some shit?”  
I am almost 100% positive my heart stopped. Then all Eren saw was my fist flying at him. The bastard fell down and laughed, holding his nose.  
“Is that a yes?” He laughed more and I practically growled at him. “I’m not a fucking fag! Hell, I’d fuck Mikasa because you’re too much of a bitch to do it yourself!” That ended the noise, the room went dead silent, the tension almost suffocating. Eren stood up and left me with a few words. “I guess you aren’t, it would drake a lot of courage to say that about her to my face.” Eren glared, “but don’t you fucking dare touch her.” Then I was all alone, the air still choking me, despite his presence having disappeared. A thought popped into my head, and I didn’t like it. There’s no way it could be true, right? This is a fucking nightmare. The moment classes ended, I bolted back to my dorm. I locked myself in my room and sat on the bed. My breath sped up. I denied the truth for so long, hiding behind my lies and pathetic bullying. I dared to say it out loud, it felt like I was going to vomit on the bed right then and there.  
“I’m in love with Reiner Braun.” My own personal grudge had gotten in the way, and I hate myself for loving him. The more I thought, the truer it was to me. Everything I did was to protect myself from feeling. I made a decision then and there, I would not show my emotions. Nothing would change. He is my target, he is the prey. He deserves no kindness. Yet, I wish he was with me. I heard Pieck come in and go to the kitchen. My brain whirled with anxious thoughts, hoping that she couldn’t read my thoughts. There is no possible way she could, but I felt so vulnerable, it was like I was fully exposed and I hate it.

**REINER POV #1**

  
It hurt, all of it hurt me. I wish he would stop. I wish they would stop. I’m supposed to be the big, strong protective guy, but I’m not. All I do is fuck up and I’ve been worn down by all the things I am guilty of. So I workout constantly so that they can’t hurt my body the way they hurt everything else about me. I am so tired of Porco and Eren right now, the weights I lift and hold are still lighter than the weight they throw on me.  
I committed a crime in Porco’s eyes, did something awful on accident. He hates me for it, I am his reminder he lost part of his life and his family. The more he talks to me about how awful I am, the more I believe I am a monster. To Eren, I am a threat to his home and life. He has no clue of my past, but I made a joke about him once and he took it personally. He always threatens to rain hell on me and my friends. However, they do not get along. Porco gets defensive when Eren tries to make fun of me and insult me, but I assume it’s some dumb plot to make me feel just a bit safer with him. All of my feelings are easier to get out if I push my body to the limit.  
My thoughts drift into the background as I move to the floor to start pushups. Then one comes to the surface, I hate it. I hate myself for it, but I can’t deny it to myself. This thought haunts me, its existence makes me feel fragile and weak, more than Porco and Eren ever could. I am gay. I can’t like women to save my life. They’re pretty, but I can’t fall in love with them. I have known for a long time but never mentioned it to anyone. My closest friends don’t know, and I hope they never do. I have a few friends, but I don’t want to lose them because I can’t like the opposite sex. I pretended to flirt with a girl in my class for a while, but she saw through me. She is the only one who knows, and she promised to keep it a secret. Her name is Historia Reiss, and her wildly protective girlfriend is Ymir. Ymir probably knows just because she has these weird instincts, and confronted me once. She definitely didn’t believe me when I said no. However, I guess I can trust her with that, she clearly hasn’t told anyone either.  
I have a few other friends and acquaintances that are part of the LGBT community. My best friend is a trans girl, her name is Bertholdt. She is in a poly relationship with two other friends. One is pan and the other is bi. The pansexual is Marco Bodt, and he has scars due to my stupidity, but he forgave me eventually. His bisexual boyfriend with anger issues is Jean Kirschtein, he hasn’t quite forgiven me. We don’t hang out a lot anymore, I backed off so they don’t get caught in the line of fire between Eren and Porco. Jean doesn’t like Eren anyway, but he doesn’t need to be involved. I don’t want anyone to have to be hurt.  
I finally stand up and for no reason, a sob escapes me. I’m not surprised, but I still cover my mouth and will the tears away. It hurts like nothing else, just knowing tomorrow I’ll have to go back to the same school and go through the same motions. They insert themselves into my daily schedule to beat me down as much as they would like. I have discovered that my own worst enemy is myself. I put everything back into place and wipe my face off with a towel before going to the bathroom and starting a shower. I don’t look in the mirror, it makes me feel sick sometimes. I get in and pull the curtain shut. Surprisingly, I did not have any thoughts that bothered me. The cold water felt good on my overheated body and I realized that I had pushed myself too far today. Sometimes I don’t realize how hard I work myself. My emotions end up controlling my personal time and I hate it.  
All I truly ask for is a break from all the pain they’ve caused me. I try to push it away and make a joke out of it, but it always comes up when there’s nothing to distract my mind, no matter what my body is doing. When people make comments and compliment me at the gym, I thank them but I am really uncomfortable. My body is that of a big football player, but no one truly wants my body or likes it. They really don’t want to be like me.  
I am the only one who can hate every inch of me, even beyond Eren and Porco.


End file.
